Mother’s Day can conjure up all sorts of emotions. It is first and foremost a time to honor and celebrate the amazing mamas out there, and we have many incredibly strong examples to praise heartily.
There’s also the fact that Mother’s Day is painful for many, and there is no denying that mom’s everywhere have been through the wringer this past year. So before you hastily pick out a cliché Hallmark card or post a selfie with mom on Insta, you might want to pause to consider:
Some are hurting from the loss of a mom or mom-figure amongst the catastrophic death toll
Some haven’t been able to see hug their mom/kids/grandkids for over a year.
Some long to become a mom, but their fertility treatments were put on hold along with other elective healthcare.
Some new moms are suffering debilitating postpartum depression all alone in quarantine.
Some moms are bearing the physical and emotional strain of working in highly-impacted, female-dominated industries like nursing, teaching, childcare, social work, airline travel, or restaurant and hospitality service.
Some moms had to sacrifice their career dreams and exit the workforce due to demands of family and domestic care.
Some are single moms who have to figure out how in the world to a earn a sufficient income while kids are unable to go to school.
Some are privileged to work from home and have help, but feel swept out into a deep ocean of disorder, tossed into the waves of mom-guilt, job pressure, home disarray, and the general sense that there’s no coming up for air in their quarantine bubble where bodies are grappling for desk space while laptops, tablets, and papers are spread throughout the whole house, and Cocomelon nursery songs are blaring on repeat over the TV… Not that I would know exactly what that’s like ;).
And almost every mom is just trying to hold it together for the kids, worried about how to help their child survive (thrive?!) during the upheaval and potential trauma created by remote school, masking, and prolonged social distancing.
So, while likely heartfelt, “Happy Mother’s Day to all the amazing moms doing it all!”… might actually sting just a bit.
When we consider the statistics and stories about how moms have been impacted this past year, the tendency is to want to look past it and find the silver linings, tie a bow on it, and move on with life. I get it, no one wants to sit in the uncomfortable for long (well unless you are an ultra marathoner and glutton for pain, then maybe you can impart some of your peculiar wisdom). Trust me, I don’t know the answers either, nor do I have any expertise when it comes to solving the complex social issues (if such an expert exists). I’m not here to pour on the guilt trip.
But what I’ve learned from my own experiences as a mom, wife, financial advisor, runner, coach, woman of faith, friend, etc.… is that with any challenge, I can’t begin to overcome it if I don’t acknowledge it. Yes, it takes honesty and vulnerability. But I’ve found that by acknowledging the challenge, sharing the burden with a trusted person, and simply being seen is the place where hope and healing enters in. Most runners understand this – when you see the challenge for what it is, and you have the right training partner alongside you, it somehow seems easier to dig deeper, endure the pain, and face the obstacles with hope.
So, you now have permission to resume selecting the perfect card and bragging about the amazing moms in your life on social media. But maybe you’ll also consider giving the gift of looking a little deeper, and being willing to check in with those who might be hurting right now. Be willing to sit in the discomfort of someone else’s ache. Or maybe you’ll be the one who is vulnerable to acknowledge and share your own place of struggle – and find you’re not alone, but in fact you are loved and appreciated and a heroine or hero to many. You don’t have to know the solution, but maybe progress will start when you give space to really see and to be seen. And don’t forget to thank that special mom in your life this Sunday!
By Alison Mandi